A Description Of This Blog
This blog exists for the purpose of working through the travails of life. It serves as a kind of therapy for me. Sometimes, writing down one’s thoughts helps one work through things much more readily than simply sitting in thought, quietly pondering the world.
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You may contact me at: nocturnalyam (-at-) gmail (-dot-) com.
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A Description Of Me
Who am I? Ah, but this is one of the most loaded questions a person can ask herself.
*sigh* OK, this part turned out to be a bit long-winded. You might want to grab a cup of coffee.
As the years have passed, I’ve grown to feel uncomfortable with political and philosophical labels. There are many philosophies, social movements, and political theories that I believe hold merit. However, I have found that turning a philosophy, a social movement, or a form of politics into an identity is dangerous ground for me to tread upon. Incorporating these things into my identity leaves me unable to step outside of these notions and engage in critical reflection. No social theory or hypothesis accurately describes the world and it’s inhabitants. There is always an exception, always a margin of error. As imperfect beings, we see the world through a set of imperfect lenses. Basing my identity upon the uncertainty of theory leaves me feeling that I am basing the very core of my self upon shifting and uncertain ground.
What I will say is this: I am disturbed by oppression of all kinds—sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, ethnocentrism, classism, ageism, religious repression, political repression, and so on. I believe that a just and caring society is one that exists in the spirit of recognizing each other as equals, each with our own unique talents and ways of being. I believe that a just and caring society exists in the spirit of love, connectedness and a desire to help each other. We are all dependent upon each other for our continued survival. It’s about time we collectively recognized this and behaved accordingly.
Philosophy and politics aside, let’s move on to labels of a more personal nature. I’m a queer woman of European decent. I grew up in a working class family in Baltimore, Maryland. I moved to Minnesota a while back. I love hiking, nature, science fiction, trains, yummy vegan food, long country drives, the smell of roses, pansies (the flowers and the people), snow, and thunderstorms.
I am a pagan of agnostic flavor. I am deeply spiritual and nature features prominently in my spirituality. My spirituality also strongly intertwines with my experience as a woman. I worship neither gods nor goddesses. My approach to paganism can not be accurately placed within theism or atheism. It’s kind of hard to describe without getting into lengthy details. I rather dread proselytizing and exclusivism, by the way. People who hold other kinds of spiritual beliefs or no spiritual beliefs are just fine by me. Live and let live. The more approaches to life, the merrier—as long as no one gets hurt.
So, what does the descriptor queer mean? Well, I much prefer dating women over dating men. That doesn’t mean that I don’t find myself attracted to men. That’s far from the case. However, there’s a certain kind of emotional and spiritual connection that I share with women that I simply don’t experience with men. Does that make me a lesbian? Sort of. Although, bisexual and panssexual seem to apply in some ways as well. I’m attracted to a variety of people. Mostly though, I prefer living my life solo. Single seems to be my preferred state of existence. If you’ve ever tried to consciously exist as a single person in a sex/romance/couples-obsessed world, you’ll discover that preferring to be single is kind of queer, too. In many respects, I am on the asexual spectrum.
I am queer in another sense of the word: I am a trans woman. At some point during my childhood, the whole boy thing became painfully cumbersome. So, when I hit 17, I decided that I would never identify as a man. I did, in fact, start to think of myself as a woman… in spite of hauling around an ill-fitting body. Living in such an uncomfortably formed body got to be exhausting, so I started medical transition when I was 24. That was in 1993. A few years passed, 1,200 miles were traveled, and here we are. Yay!
Whew! That was long. Time for more coffee, eh?