In Which I Respond to a Garden Variety Transphobe

BurpeeSeeds1945So says the transphobe in the comment section of an article on trans people’s bathroom rights:

What about the real woman in the stall next door who suffers stress from hearing a “girl” whip out her penis and take a leak?

You’re not a woman.. you’re a man in a dress.

The “man in a dress” comment is a stock response which people toss in trans women’s direction, 24/7, across the internet. Do you think we haven’t heard this before? In spite of ill sentiment, we’ve collectively said, “To hell with the majority’s notions of sex and gender.” and we go about our daily lives, doing what we must to survive. Peeing in a public washroom is a part of basic, everyday survival. It’s not glamorous. Everyone has to get rid of bodily waste somehow.

Here’s all you need to know about our lives:

1) We aren’t living our lives to please your sensibilities.

2) We aren’t living our lives to obey your rules.

3) We live our lives in spite of the judgmental vitriol of these common place insults.

Every day lived, every year survived, is a flesh and blood rejoinder to the small-spirited abuse that is encapsulated by sentiments such as yours.

The authenticity of our lives and our being isn’t dependent upon others’ prejudicial notions.  I’m not going to magically de-transition to male because you think I’m a “man in a dress”. I won’t spontaneously masculinize because of your ill sentiments. I will continue to walk though life, being the woman I am, without notice from others. The woman sitting next to you at the bus stop might be me and you’ll continue reading your paper and sipping your coffee because my everyday life and my everyday appearance are as mundane as most peoples’.

Besides, I don’t even wear dresses. I hate them.

But, I tell you what, the next time I whip out my imaginary penis while I’m sitting in the women’s room, I’ll think of you as I relieve myself.


~ by timberwraith on July 9, 2015.

4 Responses to “In Which I Respond to a Garden Variety Transphobe”

  1. “Man in a dress.” Sheesh. I mean, there are such things as men in dresses also; life can be complicated. But I’ve found that as long as we cis, straight, white and otherwise privileged guys do our best to take others at their word, and respond to how they present themselves, we have nothing to be phobic about. All the trans people I’ve encountered have been quite gracious in dealing with the occasional honest misunderstanding or incomprehension… I actually thought of you just the other day – probably a result of increasing news coverage of trans issues – and was hoping you were still out there. I wasn’t too worried about you, I mean it’s not like I post at all regularly myself… it takes just the right kind of irritant or stimulant in conjunction with the right amount of free time… Anyway, good to see you again!

  2. Wow. Someone is still listening in on my “blog-stream” in spite of my not being around here in three years.

    Thank you so much for stopping by, allogenes!

    It’s good to hear from you, too.

    I might post some more around here. I’ve had a bit more idle time on my hands of late and as you mentioned, the increase in the focus on trans issues has certainly caught my attention.

  3. Thanks so much for writing this post. The “real woman/man” idea in relation to trans issues really needs to be discussed. I’ve been appalled at the prevalence of ‘why should I ask someone what pronouns to use?’ recently. It’s as if the trans community don’t deserve any respect as humans at all.

    I’m a cisgender lesbian and I find trans issues very interesting. You write well, succinctly and clearly, so please post some more!

    • Thank you for the kind complements, celiargould. I’m only now dusting off my blog after a three year hiatus. I’m still figuring out what my muse has in store. Time will tell,I guess. 🙂

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